The Return of the Hoff

Article for Guardian travel competition (July 2006):

"Crikey" said my little brother, as he turned his head, his eyes staying fixed on the road-sign as our trusty vehicle sped past it. "Ausfahrt must be a big place. That's the fourth exit we've passed for it."

We had not been long across the German border yet he was already proving that the German word for "EXIT" had slipped from his GCSE vocabulary. He had, however, replaced such knowledge with a cunning knack for dreaming up the most important necessity for any World Cup: a World Cup costume.

Having secured tickets for the second round match in Stuttgart, my brother, two friends and myself set out across the continent with high hopes of watching England v Germany but settled for England v Ecuador after a dangerous flirtation with the prospect of Sweden v Ecuador. We were to grace the Fatherland for one week only and therefore World Cup drinking costumes were top of our list of pre-road-trip things to organise. We were English fans after all and had a reputation to live up to.

Suggestion number one from my inspired brother was Darth Vader. Quizzical emails were exchanged between us as to the connection with football and/or England until he revealed what he intended to print on Darth's cape: "the Empire Strikes Back". Amidst much laughter, and with some regret, it was decided that this stroke of genius was probably too close to the bone and another master plan was called for. He obliged.



"The Hoff is an England Fan" read the t-shirt. From under a 70s style, black, curly, wig, behind oversized aviators, sporting short red shorts, flip flops and with a rescue buoy in hand, strategically rested on one shoulder for the cameras, the four of us reintroduced the Hoff to the Germans.

The man who claims to have reunified Germany (his song "Crazy for you" was seized upon as an anthem at the time the Berlin Wall came down) and who graced our screens for years as Michael Knight and Mitch Buchanan in Knight Rider and Baywatch respectively, was back in town.

"Hans Hoff England's Cup" read the back of the t-shirt for any in doubt as to our true origins.
The Germans, to our unjustified surprise, welcomed the English (and the Hoff) into their homeland and organised a cracker of a tournament.

Naturally the efficiency of their organisation was at an optimum, but there was an unprecedented sprinkling of understanding and common sense as to the requirements and desires of the travelling fans that was the making of this World Cup. From extra fan zones with giant screens to accommodate the thousands who travelled without tickets, to requiring deposits for beer glasses, therefore minimalising litter and missiles, the Germans were one step ahead.

And for any locals lacking a sense of humour, or bemoaning the fact that both England and Germany crashed out ahead of their much vaunted meeting in the final, the reply was simple. "Hey, don't hassle the Hoff".

Bond and Beckham - Unwitting bedfellows

Random article surrounding the release of Casino Royale:

Watching Bond is like watching England; it so often fails to deliver after such promise but we, the public, are duty bound to go back for more lapping up the entertainment from the love affair with two of our nation's foremost franchises. This week Ian Fleming's creation returned to our screens as Steve McClaren's charges too returned to action last night against Holland. The similarities were striking.

Bond, an institution, a franchise, knows it has a captive audience. Bond has been bad for years but with each encounter the general public cannot get away from the fact that it is still Bond and, whilst reminiscing about the good old days of Connery and co., turn out in their droves to cheer on 007's increasingly ridiculous adventures.

Likewise England; the reign of Sven-Goran Eriksson delivered nothing other than mediocrity, three quarter-final exits in major championships, a few howlers in the form of encounters with Northern Ireland and Denmark and the odd ray of hope, that special night in Munich on 1 September 2001. It has been a long time since 1966 (its been a long time since 2001 for that matter) but still the fans flock to stadiums in their thousands to sing songs about the Queen and hope that maybe, just maybe, they might be treated to the type of glorious England performance we've all been waiting for.

Recognising rising tensions and keen to stall downward trends, both Bond and England have sought to reinvent themselves. The past year has seen the old adage take hold of "out with the old and in with the new", Daniel Craig swaggering into the limelight as the first blonde Bond and McClaren being handed the managerial reigns, delivering the coup de grace to Sven's regime by axing long-loved skipper David Beckham. Hair today, gone tomorrow, step forward big John Terry to lead the new generation.

Much trumpeting heralded these changes but neither was greeted with much aplomb by the public. Craig was lampooned as lacking the credentials and the charisma to carry off the tuxedoed caricature of Bond, whilst McClaren was clearly the FA's second choice, earning the moniker "Second Choice Steve". His early results hinted at promise but the disappointing defeat to Croatia shattered what honeymoon period the former Middlesbrough manager had been awarded by the media and the fans at large.

How the stars like to prove their critics wrong though. Craig has banished his doubters in the best fashion by keeping schtum and proving his worth on the silver screen in a back to basics bare-knuckle Bond that has had the pundits cooing in his direction.

McClaren sought similar success by culling Beckham, banning the WAGs (or at least frowning on past profligacies) and shying away from the obscure (Eileen Drewery) and the unfortunate (sting meetings with fake sheiks).

However, as proved by last night's draw with the Dutch, McClaren's back to basics treatment has failed to cure England's malaise and the jury is still out on his tenure and tactical tinkering. Admittedly his hand was swayed by a swathe of injuries, real or imagined, but although there are no cries to bring back Beckham, for England to impress, results are required regardless of excuses. Time is on McClaren's side though, he has until March before England's next competitive outing to plan the subsequent steps to re-inventing the England franchise.

Bond and England, two of Britain's great institutions juggernaut onwards and, regardless of the results this time and next, you can guarantee we will be back for more. Theatre it isn't, but entertainment it most definitely is.

The stars come out for Jackson

Article on the charity launch of a local boxer's attempt to run across America (Norwich Evening News - 2 November 2006)

Olympic silver medallist Amir Khan and Darren Huckerby and Bryan Gunn amongst other stars lent their support last night to Norwich boxer, Jackson Williams, who launched his charity bid to run across America. The glitzy event, held at the Marriott Sprowston Manor Hotel, raised nearly £10,000 for Jackson’s two nominated charities, the Motor Neurone Disease Association and the Bryan Gunn Leukaemia Appeal.

Jackson, who stepped into the ring against Khan last February, has set himself the daunting challenge of running 3,100 miles from Los Angeles to New York non-stop. He is however no stranger to long distance running. Aged 17, whilst studying at City College he ran from London to Norwich and a year later raised the bar by running 400 miles home to his native Norwich from Scotland, arriving to large acclaim at Carrow road in time for a derby day kick-off against Ipswich.

Not content with what most people would regard as a lifetime’s exercise Jackson, like Khan has set his sights on America. What he is proposing, however, is perhaps a far sterner test than the twelve rounds Khan may face when he eventually crosses the Atlantic to further his career. “It [the run] is going to take a lot of bottle but I think he’ll do it. I’ve seen him, I’ve been in the same ring as him. He’ll do it.”

Khan, who made time in his schedule to attend last night’s event, defeated Jackson in the ring by virtue of a 3rd round technical knockout in their clash at London’s ExCel Arena in February. His next bout is against an unnamed American opponent at the ExCel Arena on December 9 ahead of making his American debut next year. He may rely on more conventional means of transport to travel across the continent. “I’m feeling good, feeling sharp and I’m looking forward to fighting over there,” he said.

Huckerby has known Jackson for a couple of years since his return to City. Aside from running defenders ragged, the most Huckerby has ever run in one go is around 10 miles, so he was in awe of what Jackson is proposing to achieve. “I can’t see many of our [Norwich] players making it that far” he said. “Boxing has got a special kind of discipline. I think if anybody is going to do it a boxer can. They train very hard for long periods of time so I’m sure he’ll be able to do it. He’s got to have a bit of mental strength, else he wouldn’t be a boxer.”

Jackson’s run is inspired by the death of his friend, Edward Beddar, in March 2006 at the hands of Motor Neurone Disease and the work of Gunn, the former Canaries keeper, who set up the Bryan Gunn Leukaemia Appeal following the death of his two-year-old daughter from the disease in 1992.

Confident of the task in front of him Jackson was in fine spirit given the remarkable show of support for his attempt and for his charitable work. City legend, Gunn, was in awe of his hard work. “What Jackson is doing is incredible. You have got to give him credit because he has guts in abundance to try something like this.” Jackson’s mum was naturally also quick to praise her son and confident that he had the determination and the ability to succeed. “He’ll crawl if he has to,” she added, with a knowing smile.

For more information on Jackson’s run, the charities, and how to donate, please go to www.jacksonwilliams.co.uk.

The Week Ahead

Brief article summarising sporting action in the week ahead. (Norwich Evening News - 31 October 2006)

Monday 6th: Stoke take on Coventry in the Coca-Cola League Championship while, north of the border, Aberdeen travel to Inverness in the Bank of Scotland Scottish Premier League.

Tuesday 7th: Resist the urge to watch Saudia Arabia take on Jordan and settle down for Carling Cup fourth round action as Southend look to cause an unlikely sensation at Old Trafford against Manchester United.

Wednesday 8th: More Carling Cup action including the all-Premiership encounter of Chelsea v Aston Villa.

Thursday 9th: There is virtually nothing on so take the limited opportunity to pamper the wife/girlfriend/significant others ahead of a cracking weekend of sport.

Friday 10th: England’s cricketers continue their pre-Ashes warm-up down under ahead of the opening clash on November 23 in Brisbane. They take on a Prime Minister’s XI in Canberra.

Saturday 11th: Norwich travel to high-flying West Bromwich Albion in the Coca-Cola League Championship. There are also seven fixtures in the Premiership as Manchester United travel to Blackburn and Watford contemplate dreamland, a clean sheet away at Chelsea.

Sunday 12th: England take on the All Blacks in what will be a crunching encounter at Twickenham with both sides looking for to secure a vital psychological edge ahead of next year’s World Cup.

Fan's View - Norwich v Colchester

Opinion on the Norwich Colchester match, one from my view, and the other on behalf of another fan following a quick telephone call. (Norwich Evening News - 1 November 2006)

It was far from a happy Halloween at Carrow road last night. Norwich, with Huckerby and Earnshaw back in their ranks and showing their class, could have ended this game by half time. Instead, the City faithful had to face a cute finish from their old favourite, Jamie Cureton, and the pain of the U’s supporters chanting “are you Ipswich in disguise?”

Dickson Etuhu stepped up to the plate to rescue City in the 72nd minute from long range but Norwich, despite bringing on Dion Dublin, failed to add a second and let two points slip away. The performance was much improved from the nightmare against Stoke City, but missed chances don’t count for anything come the final whistle.

Andy Sloan

Colchester came to do a job. They were workmanlike and bossed the game for long periods. Whilst City looked better once Dion Dublin came on, they relied too much on the long ball. Etuhu’s produced another fantastic strike which followed some good build-up play, now he just needs to supply the same in away games.

Sad to say it was a point gained rather than two lost. If City are going to challenge for the play-offs they need to put teams like Colchester to the sword. Simply not good enough.

Keith Roads

You're the Boss - Norwich v Sunderland

Short piece on my team selection and reasoning behind it for Norwich v Sunderland, as a token Norwich fan for the day. (Norwich Evening News - 3 November 2006)

(4-4-2)

Gallacher; Drury, Shackell, Dublin, Colin; Eagle, Etuhu, Safri, Robinson; Huckerby, Earnshaw.
Subs: Ashdown, Ryan Jarvis, Hughes, Spillane, Thorne.

The draw with Colchester showed the importance of having Darren Huckerby and Robert Earnshaw fit and present. In spells, before they tired, their performance gave hope to the City faithful.

Etuhu will look to make it a hat-trick of three home strikes and should continue his central partnership with Safri, who was unlucky not to score from long range himself against the U’s.

Should, as feared, Gary Doherty and Craig Fleming fail late fitness tests then Grant should call for the experienced head of Dion Dublin to deputise ahead of the inexperienced, though promising, Michael Spillane. Dublin proved time after time on Tuesday his prowess in the air and, although naturally preferring a striking role, would relish a full 90 minutes against Keano’s Black Cats.

Adam Drury and Colin Jurgen continue to pick themselves but both need to push further up the pitch given the opportunity, with or without the ball, to offer themselves as an option or simply to draw markers to them and create the space for Earnshaw and Huckerby to attack.

Roy Keane will be looking to instill in his Sunderland side some of the steel with which he ruled the Old Trafford turf and knowing this, Peter Grant has made reference to “brains over braun”; but Norwich will need to hold their own and out-beef Sunderland, something Dublin, with his size and experience is perfectly placed to do.