Barcelona are a club of European pedigree of the highest order. Which is why at 10pm on a drizzly Thursday night in England it was almost so easy to flick away from Sky Sports' coverage of their second leg encounter with Getafe in Spain's premier cup competition, the Copa Del Rey. 5-2 up from the first leg, last night's match was a formality for the Catalan visitors.
But Getafe, the minnows of La Liga, taught Barca a lesson in not taking anything for granted. By half-time the home side were 2-0 up, heading into the dressing room 5-4 down on aggregate and with a determined spring in their step. Frank Rijkaard could but watch on and ponder his side's poor performance.
Not long into the second half and the all-important third goal came their way courtesy of Vivar Dorado to desperate looks from Ronaldinho, Barca's buck toothed Brazilian wonder. Getafe were level on aggregate but would proceed to the final on away goals. The commentators could barely contain their excitement and the home crowd had long since let theirs fly. So when Getafe slammed a fourth past the side challenging for the league title, you knew you were witnessing something special.
Barca do not lose games 4-0 very often. If it wasn't for the hour at which this game drew to a conclusion I would have spent some time researching this point but am willing to wager it would take a while. They are, as is so often quoted, "more than a club", a force in European football and beyond, a beacon of footballing brilliance littered with stars the likes of the aforesaid Ronaldinho, the African Player of the Year Samuel Eto'o and Maradona's latest successor, the mercurial Lionel Messi.
Yet Getafe rolled them over and therein lies the beauty of the game. Underdogs can win, can turn things around, can raise their game, can believe and, on occasion, succeed. Whether they can do it two games running to take the trophy is, of course, another matter entirely, but for now their fans are in heaven and on their way to Madrid for their first ever final to give it a damn good try, and I'm glad I didn't change the channel.
10 May 2007
26 March 2007
AFC Wimbledon win appeal
AFC Wimbledon have won their appeal against an 18-point deduction. The decision of the Ryman League Appeal's Panel has today been reduced from 18 points to three with an increased fine.
The dispute concerned the lack of an international transfer certificate for the transfer of Jermaine Darlington from Cardiff City, who play in the English Championship but are based in Wales. An oversight at best, the volunteer form-filler had deemed such a certificate as not applicable. Yet the league punished the fledgling club severely, deducting points for every game in which the player was involved.
Represented at the tribunal for free by Jim Sturman QC, who advises Chelsea (for a fee), the club's case was clearly reasonable. AC Milan were docked four points for four years of match fixing.
AFC's appeal was bolstered by the voice of Tony Blair, whose opinion was appealed to in Prime Minister's question time. "It sounds like a daft rule, and someone should change it," said Mr Blair in response to a plea for help from Siobhain McDonagh, the Labour MP for Mitcham and Morden in a motion signed by 84 MPs.
To be docked any points at all for such a minor and unwitting misdemeanour will still rancour the fans. Not least when Liverpool and West Ham appear to have smoothed over concerns as to irregularities over the contract of Javier Mascherano.
Despite the evident inequalities in the football system, the club, founded in 2002 by Wimbledon FC supporters following the South London side's relocation to Milton Keynes and reincarnation as the MK Dons, is now back on track for promotion to the Conference South. The dream of catching their corporate rivals is still alive.
The dispute concerned the lack of an international transfer certificate for the transfer of Jermaine Darlington from Cardiff City, who play in the English Championship but are based in Wales. An oversight at best, the volunteer form-filler had deemed such a certificate as not applicable. Yet the league punished the fledgling club severely, deducting points for every game in which the player was involved.
Represented at the tribunal for free by Jim Sturman QC, who advises Chelsea (for a fee), the club's case was clearly reasonable. AC Milan were docked four points for four years of match fixing.
AFC's appeal was bolstered by the voice of Tony Blair, whose opinion was appealed to in Prime Minister's question time. "It sounds like a daft rule, and someone should change it," said Mr Blair in response to a plea for help from Siobhain McDonagh, the Labour MP for Mitcham and Morden in a motion signed by 84 MPs.
To be docked any points at all for such a minor and unwitting misdemeanour will still rancour the fans. Not least when Liverpool and West Ham appear to have smoothed over concerns as to irregularities over the contract of Javier Mascherano.
Despite the evident inequalities in the football system, the club, founded in 2002 by Wimbledon FC supporters following the South London side's relocation to Milton Keynes and reincarnation as the MK Dons, is now back on track for promotion to the Conference South. The dream of catching their corporate rivals is still alive.
08 February 2007
France v Argentina
Live coverage of France v Argentina (International friendly coverage for Eurosport - 7 February 2007)
For my match report click HERE.
For my minute by minute live coverage click HERE.
Saviola Sinks Les Bleus in Paris
The new manager's first victory was inspired by an old hand. Javier Zanetti, recalled to the team after his omission at last summer's World Cup, was the man who unlocked the French defence in the 15th minute.
Playing a sumptuous one-two with Saviola, Zanetti reached the French by-line and pulled the ball back into the path of Hernan Crespo who doesn't miss from six yards. He didn't miss, but French keeper, Gregory Coupet, managed to parry his shot. Unfortunately for Coupet the rebound fell for Saviola who, arriving late into the box, drove home his 11th goal for the Seleccion.
The goal seemed to galvanise Raymond Domenech's men. Franck "I am not a robot" Ribery showed duracell-bunny-esque regularity up and down the right flank as he combined with Willy Signol to find a way back for France. But despite Ribery engineering openings in the 20th, 35th and 42nd minutes, the Argentine goalkeeper, Roberto Abbondanzieri, enjoyed a relatively quiet first half.
It could have been very different. In the second minute of the match Thierry Henry played a delightful through ball to his former Arsenal team-mate Patrick Viera who hit the turf in dubious fashion as he charged into the area. The French appealed for a penalty but the Slovenian referee Damir Skomina knew better than to point to the spot.
France pushed hard in the second half for an equaliser with Ribery in particular working through his trick-book in an attempt to find a way past the experienced Roberto Ayala. But, despite the introduction of the in-form journeyman, Nicolas Anelka, the Argentine defence held firm.
Not averse to his fair share of attention, Anelka still managed to steal some of the headlines by sparking a ten man brawl in the closing minutes. Unhappy with the Argentine's desperate tackles in a late goal-mouth scramble the Bolton front man aired his thoughts to his aggressor prompting swift intervention from the officials.
The game degenerated into a scrappy affair as the full time whistle approached encouraging Argentine substitute Jonas Gutierrez to risk the wrath of the Parisians by heading for the corner flag rather than the goal when played through in stoppage time.
Following the decision of Real Madrid wonderkid Gonzalo Higuain's decision to play for Argentina, the place of his upbringing, rather than France, the place of his birth this result was a second blow for Les Bleus.
Domenech, not bitter in the slightest, responded to Higuain's preference for sunshine and samba by saying, "there are many players as good as him in France and we won't have to wait for him." He failed to name them.
For my match report click HERE.
For my minute by minute live coverage click HERE.
Saviola Sinks Les Bleus in Paris
Javier Saviola's first-half strike saw Argentina to victory against Les Bleus in the Stade de France, Paris. The diminutive Barcelona striker sealed the friendly with Argentina's only goal in a surprisingly easy 1-0 victory over a strong French side.
Argentina, without Lionel Messi, Carlos Tevez, Juan Pablo Sorin and Pablo Zabaleta, came to France looking for their first win under new boss Alfio Basile and got precisely what they were after.The new manager's first victory was inspired by an old hand. Javier Zanetti, recalled to the team after his omission at last summer's World Cup, was the man who unlocked the French defence in the 15th minute.
Playing a sumptuous one-two with Saviola, Zanetti reached the French by-line and pulled the ball back into the path of Hernan Crespo who doesn't miss from six yards. He didn't miss, but French keeper, Gregory Coupet, managed to parry his shot. Unfortunately for Coupet the rebound fell for Saviola who, arriving late into the box, drove home his 11th goal for the Seleccion.
The goal seemed to galvanise Raymond Domenech's men. Franck "I am not a robot" Ribery showed duracell-bunny-esque regularity up and down the right flank as he combined with Willy Signol to find a way back for France. But despite Ribery engineering openings in the 20th, 35th and 42nd minutes, the Argentine goalkeeper, Roberto Abbondanzieri, enjoyed a relatively quiet first half.
It could have been very different. In the second minute of the match Thierry Henry played a delightful through ball to his former Arsenal team-mate Patrick Viera who hit the turf in dubious fashion as he charged into the area. The French appealed for a penalty but the Slovenian referee Damir Skomina knew better than to point to the spot.
France pushed hard in the second half for an equaliser with Ribery in particular working through his trick-book in an attempt to find a way past the experienced Roberto Ayala. But, despite the introduction of the in-form journeyman, Nicolas Anelka, the Argentine defence held firm.
Not averse to his fair share of attention, Anelka still managed to steal some of the headlines by sparking a ten man brawl in the closing minutes. Unhappy with the Argentine's desperate tackles in a late goal-mouth scramble the Bolton front man aired his thoughts to his aggressor prompting swift intervention from the officials.
The game degenerated into a scrappy affair as the full time whistle approached encouraging Argentine substitute Jonas Gutierrez to risk the wrath of the Parisians by heading for the corner flag rather than the goal when played through in stoppage time.
Following the decision of Real Madrid wonderkid Gonzalo Higuain's decision to play for Argentina, the place of his upbringing, rather than France, the place of his birth this result was a second blow for Les Bleus.
Domenech, not bitter in the slightest, responded to Higuain's preference for sunshine and samba by saying, "there are many players as good as him in France and we won't have to wait for him." He failed to name them.
01 February 2007
Premiership double-team
Match report for Newcastle v Aston Villa and ive minute by minute updates for this and the Bolton v Charlton match (Premiership coverage for Eurosport - 31 January 2007).
Lots of fun juggling all this... hey hum, a good learning experience.
Newcastle v Aston Villa
For my minute by minute coverage please click HERE.
For my match report please click HERE.
Bolton v Charlton
For my minute by minute coverage please click HERE.
Newcastle steal Young's limelight
Newcastle served up two first-half goals in as many minutes as they defeated Aston Villa 3-1 to record their first home win since Christmas.
The hosts began the game in glorious fashion as James Milner produced a rip-snorter of a shot from 25 yards into the far top corner after his cheeky step-over bamboozled the Villa defence.
And after just seven minutes it was 2-0 as the scorer turned provider.
Milner crossed from the right and the mercurial Kieron Dyer beat his marker at the near post to flick the ball into the far corner.
But Villa dominated the remainder of the first half with new signing Ashley Young scoring his first goal for the club and they continued to terrify the notoriously porous Newcastle defence after the break.
But somehow, in the most unconvincing fashion, Newcastle and Steve Harper in particular stood firm. John Carew hit the post and had a goal disallowed while Gareth Barry hit the bar.
As Villa pressed for the equaliser, Newcastle were able to counter and first-half substitute Antoine Sibierski put the game beyond doubt in the 90th minute.
Damien Duff broke free and, stumbling into the Villa penalty area managed to square the ball to the unmarked Sibierski who stroked the ball home to secure a flattering win.
Lots of fun juggling all this... hey hum, a good learning experience.
Newcastle v Aston Villa
For my minute by minute coverage please click HERE.
For my match report please click HERE.
Bolton v Charlton
For my minute by minute coverage please click HERE.
Newcastle steal Young's limelight
Newcastle served up two first-half goals in as many minutes as they defeated Aston Villa 3-1 to record their first home win since Christmas.
The hosts began the game in glorious fashion as James Milner produced a rip-snorter of a shot from 25 yards into the far top corner after his cheeky step-over bamboozled the Villa defence.
And after just seven minutes it was 2-0 as the scorer turned provider.
Milner crossed from the right and the mercurial Kieron Dyer beat his marker at the near post to flick the ball into the far corner.
But Villa dominated the remainder of the first half with new signing Ashley Young scoring his first goal for the club and they continued to terrify the notoriously porous Newcastle defence after the break.
But somehow, in the most unconvincing fashion, Newcastle and Steve Harper in particular stood firm. John Carew hit the post and had a goal disallowed while Gareth Barry hit the bar.
As Villa pressed for the equaliser, Newcastle were able to counter and first-half substitute Antoine Sibierski put the game beyond doubt in the 90th minute.
Damien Duff broke free and, stumbling into the Villa penalty area managed to square the ball to the unmarked Sibierski who stroked the ball home to secure a flattering win.
28 January 2007
Fulham v Stoke
Live coverage and match report (FA Cup coverage for Eurosport - 27 January 2007):
For the match report click HERE.
For my minute by minute live coverage of the match click HERE.
This was an interesting one, as the "live" coverage and report were done without actually seeing the match. I also learnt that the "short teaser" needs to be repeated in the start of the "long teaser", otherwise it is missing from the match report...
Hey, ho, slightly more glamourous (if that is the right word) tie on wednesday when I'll be covering Newcastle v Aston Villa in the Premiership. Although I suspect, sadly, this will again be without the benefit of any live feed. Bugger.
For the match report click HERE.
For my minute by minute live coverage of the match click HERE.
This was an interesting one, as the "live" coverage and report were done without actually seeing the match. I also learnt that the "short teaser" needs to be repeated in the start of the "long teaser", otherwise it is missing from the match report...
Hey, ho, slightly more glamourous (if that is the right word) tie on wednesday when I'll be covering Newcastle v Aston Villa in the Premiership. Although I suspect, sadly, this will again be without the benefit of any live feed. Bugger.
15 January 2007
Polling Chelsea
Post to Football 365 in the aftermath of Graham Poll's retaliatory outburst to the Chelsea starlets:
"I entirely condone whatever Graham Poll said. If it is allowed (tacitly, by the lack of cautions) for him to receive foul and abusive language then he should be allowed to dish it out in return. "An eye for an eye and soon we'll all be blind," said somebody who looked far better in a nappy than me, but a bit of retaliation always feels good and, in certain situations, is justified.
How many of us cheered when Cantona launched himself into the stands, when Juninho told Albert exactly where to go, when the mighty ZZ made the world take notice by flooring his abuser in the World Cup Final?
Professional footballers get away with murder (almost literally in some drink-driving cases) and something needs to be done to clean up the sport. Our refs are now miked up which is a step in the right direction and presumably a prelude to allowing us, the audience, to share in the referee's comments, a la rugby.
But before that will be permissible on live television, beamed to generations of impressionable youths and their even more impressionable parents, the language directed at, and the general attitudes to, the ref need to be improved.
Cards clearly don't work - see the yellow card for post-goal shirt-stripping. So I propose perma-tan. They'll be far more concerned about avoiding "a Dale Winton" than missing the next three games and jetting off to La Manga. Admittedly (and regrettably) this punishment wouldn't work on some who already embrace such horrors (see Cristiano "glow in the dark" Ronaldo) so other means need to be invented, and what better place perhaps than this forum."
"I entirely condone whatever Graham Poll said. If it is allowed (tacitly, by the lack of cautions) for him to receive foul and abusive language then he should be allowed to dish it out in return. "An eye for an eye and soon we'll all be blind," said somebody who looked far better in a nappy than me, but a bit of retaliation always feels good and, in certain situations, is justified.
How many of us cheered when Cantona launched himself into the stands, when Juninho told Albert exactly where to go, when the mighty ZZ made the world take notice by flooring his abuser in the World Cup Final?
Professional footballers get away with murder (almost literally in some drink-driving cases) and something needs to be done to clean up the sport. Our refs are now miked up which is a step in the right direction and presumably a prelude to allowing us, the audience, to share in the referee's comments, a la rugby.
But before that will be permissible on live television, beamed to generations of impressionable youths and their even more impressionable parents, the language directed at, and the general attitudes to, the ref need to be improved.
Cards clearly don't work - see the yellow card for post-goal shirt-stripping. So I propose perma-tan. They'll be far more concerned about avoiding "a Dale Winton" than missing the next three games and jetting off to La Manga. Admittedly (and regrettably) this punishment wouldn't work on some who already embrace such horrors (see Cristiano "glow in the dark" Ronaldo) so other means need to be invented, and what better place perhaps than this forum."
27 December 2006
Manchester United v Wigan
Live coverage and match report (Premiership coverage for Eurosport - 26 December 2006):
For my minute by minute live coverage of the match click HERE
Ronaldo leads United four points clear
Buoyed by the knowledge that Reading had robbed Chelsea of two points, Cristiano Ronaldo put on a second-half show to help dismantle Wigan 3-1 and send United four points clear at the top of the Barclay’s Premiership.
Second-half substitute Ronaldo struck twice within five minutes of the restart to send Wigan crashing to their fourth successive defeat and enable United to capitalise on Chelsea’s draw with Reading.
The timeless Ole Gunnar Solskaer was on target in the 59th minute to give United a three goal lead. A late penalty for Wigan, converted by young Leighton Baines, was the only downside to what was a sterling performance by Sir Alex Ferguson’s side.
Ronaldo, Louis Saha, Ryan Giggs, Michael Carrick, Rio Ferdinand and Gary Neville were all absent from the starting line up as Sir Alex shuffled his pack once more, safe in the knowledge that, regardless of the result, United would remain top of the Premiership.
With the score 0-0 at half-time though ,Ferguson introduced his trump card to kick start proceedings. He could never have imagined the immediacy of the impact.
Within two minutes of gracing the pitch Ronaldo put United 1-0 up with a thumping header from an early corner. Three minutes later he fed J.S.Park in the Wigan penalty area after fine work down the left. Park was promptly fouled right in front of referee, Mike Riley, for a stonewall penalty. Ronaldo failed to convert from the spot but made sure with the rebound.
United dominated proceedings in the first half but had failed to open the scoring. Wayne Rooney, rejuvenated after his rest against Aston Villa on Saturday, could easily have had a hat-tick. Wigan’s Chris Kirkland was forced to make three exceptional saves from close range in the opening twenty minutes and could only watch as efforts from Rooney and Patrice Evra fizzed wide.
J.S Park and Ole Gunnar Solskaer respectively replaced on form Portugese high diver Ronaldo in midfield and club top scorer Louis Saha in attack.
Wes Brown took over from Gary Neville at right back and revelled in the amount of space afforded him. Darren Fletcher, who replaced Carrick, bossed the midfield alongside Paul Scholes and twice released Brown down the right early on but United failed to convert their chances and, despite enjoying 60% of the possession, allowed Wigan to hang on to a clean sheet as Riley blew for half-time.
Fletcher was pulled to make way for Ronaldo at the break. If Ronaldo hadn’t produced such an emphatic impact this decision would have appeared harsh on Fletcher who had been carving open the Wigan back four with intelligent balls to Rooney and an ever-advancing Brown.
But the game was transformed by Ronaldo. He was everywhere and Wigan had no answer to his trickery. Stunned by the two early goals, the coup de grace came from Old Trafford legend Ole Gunnar Solskaer.
John O'shea won the ball in midfield and flicked it on to Rooney who out jumped Emile Heskey to feed Solskaer. With time to compose himself and pick his spot in the far corner, he drove the ball comfortably home from the edge of the area.
Mikael Silvestre blotted his copy book with a late Christmas present for Wigan with an ill timed tackle in the last minute to gift the visitors a penalty. Baines showed the maturity and confidence that has been alerting bigger clubs to the possibility of his signature by converting the spot kick but the result was never in doubt.
Ferguson will be relishing the fact that no team with this many points at Christmas has ever failed to go on and win the Premiership.
If Jose Mourinho wasn’t in need of some christmas consolation after his side's draw with Reading, he will now.
For my minute by minute live coverage of the match click HERE
Ronaldo leads United four points clear
Buoyed by the knowledge that Reading had robbed Chelsea of two points, Cristiano Ronaldo put on a second-half show to help dismantle Wigan 3-1 and send United four points clear at the top of the Barclay’s Premiership.
Second-half substitute Ronaldo struck twice within five minutes of the restart to send Wigan crashing to their fourth successive defeat and enable United to capitalise on Chelsea’s draw with Reading.
The timeless Ole Gunnar Solskaer was on target in the 59th minute to give United a three goal lead. A late penalty for Wigan, converted by young Leighton Baines, was the only downside to what was a sterling performance by Sir Alex Ferguson’s side.
Ronaldo, Louis Saha, Ryan Giggs, Michael Carrick, Rio Ferdinand and Gary Neville were all absent from the starting line up as Sir Alex shuffled his pack once more, safe in the knowledge that, regardless of the result, United would remain top of the Premiership.
With the score 0-0 at half-time though ,Ferguson introduced his trump card to kick start proceedings. He could never have imagined the immediacy of the impact.
Within two minutes of gracing the pitch Ronaldo put United 1-0 up with a thumping header from an early corner. Three minutes later he fed J.S.Park in the Wigan penalty area after fine work down the left. Park was promptly fouled right in front of referee, Mike Riley, for a stonewall penalty. Ronaldo failed to convert from the spot but made sure with the rebound.
United dominated proceedings in the first half but had failed to open the scoring. Wayne Rooney, rejuvenated after his rest against Aston Villa on Saturday, could easily have had a hat-tick. Wigan’s Chris Kirkland was forced to make three exceptional saves from close range in the opening twenty minutes and could only watch as efforts from Rooney and Patrice Evra fizzed wide.
J.S Park and Ole Gunnar Solskaer respectively replaced on form Portugese high diver Ronaldo in midfield and club top scorer Louis Saha in attack.
Wes Brown took over from Gary Neville at right back and revelled in the amount of space afforded him. Darren Fletcher, who replaced Carrick, bossed the midfield alongside Paul Scholes and twice released Brown down the right early on but United failed to convert their chances and, despite enjoying 60% of the possession, allowed Wigan to hang on to a clean sheet as Riley blew for half-time.
Fletcher was pulled to make way for Ronaldo at the break. If Ronaldo hadn’t produced such an emphatic impact this decision would have appeared harsh on Fletcher who had been carving open the Wigan back four with intelligent balls to Rooney and an ever-advancing Brown.
But the game was transformed by Ronaldo. He was everywhere and Wigan had no answer to his trickery. Stunned by the two early goals, the coup de grace came from Old Trafford legend Ole Gunnar Solskaer.
John O'shea won the ball in midfield and flicked it on to Rooney who out jumped Emile Heskey to feed Solskaer. With time to compose himself and pick his spot in the far corner, he drove the ball comfortably home from the edge of the area.
Mikael Silvestre blotted his copy book with a late Christmas present for Wigan with an ill timed tackle in the last minute to gift the visitors a penalty. Baines showed the maturity and confidence that has been alerting bigger clubs to the possibility of his signature by converting the spot kick but the result was never in doubt.
Ferguson will be relishing the fact that no team with this many points at Christmas has ever failed to go on and win the Premiership.
If Jose Mourinho wasn’t in need of some christmas consolation after his side's draw with Reading, he will now.
22 December 2006
Missing in action – Parting with your Passport
If you haven’t got your word, what have you got? There is a simple answer to this well known maxim: your passport, the single most important part of foreign travel in any way shape or form. You cannot leave home without it, so what happens when it isn’t there?
Some may have experienced this sensation, some may not. It isn’t pleasant. One minute this priceless piece of parchment, emblazoned with Her Majesty’s imprint, her permission to pass and, most importantly, your photo, is where you last left it; the next your identity is gone and your travel plans are in dire straights unless you fancy Butlins as an alternative.
Having established beyond doubt that your passport is nowhere at home, work, parent’s or friends’ houses, having ruled out Butlins as an option, and having traced intricately through its previous use and movements without revelation, there is still the belief that Her Majesty will save her loyal subject.
The Identity and Passport Service as it is now known was established as an Executive Agency of the Home Office on 1 April 2006. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others, a fool learns from his own. The personnel at the passport office have a sense of humour judging from the date of this latest incarnation of their services.
In the advent of broad band internet connections, your first port of call is the “I need a replacement urgently” link on http://www.passport.gov.uk/. The crux of your situation is swiftly revealed by the appearance of the following statement: “If you need to travel in less than two weeks you should make an urgent application for a new passport. Your first step should be to call our Adviceline on 0870 521 0410 and make an appointment at one of our offices.”
Personally, I had a little over four hours, and by the time I had concluded beyond doubt that my passport was indeed lost beyond hope it was 2am. Unsurprisingly the Identity and Passport Agency are unable to offer an appointment at that time within that timescale. Surprisingly, given the time in the morning, they still answer the phone.
A gentle voice greeted me and soothingly yet remorselessly informed me that the fastest possible time for obtaining a new passport is seven days after an appointment. The relevant appointment personnel would not be present to accept a booking, let alone action one, until 10am.
There is an “emergency procedure”. In the case of dire business or life and death need, applications can be fast-tracked. The bar is set high though and even if cleared the minimum time in which a passport can be produced is four hours from the time that said bar has been negotiated and photos supplied.
Exceptionally the rules it seems can be overlooked. English pop singer Dido didn’t miss out when it was discovered that a passport was missing on her whirlwind attempt to play three gigs in an afternoon for the charity spectacular, Live8. Sadly the Easyjet’s of this world have slightly more stringent regulations than their private counterparts.
Not all celebrities are so lucky or so expert in their dealings. This summer Pete Doherty missed a concert in Ibiza after losing his passport and the same reason was quoted for the cancellation of a Sugababes gig in Denmark. Spare a thought though for Naomi Campbell's former personal assistant. Amanda Brack has claimed the supermodel attacked her three times, spat in her face and threw her passport in a swimming pool. At least she knew where it was.
By Andy Sloan, author of ‘23 Sweet FAs’, whose original brief was to cover the derby between Galatasaray and Fenerbahce, in Istanbul.
Some may have experienced this sensation, some may not. It isn’t pleasant. One minute this priceless piece of parchment, emblazoned with Her Majesty’s imprint, her permission to pass and, most importantly, your photo, is where you last left it; the next your identity is gone and your travel plans are in dire straights unless you fancy Butlins as an alternative.
Having established beyond doubt that your passport is nowhere at home, work, parent’s or friends’ houses, having ruled out Butlins as an option, and having traced intricately through its previous use and movements without revelation, there is still the belief that Her Majesty will save her loyal subject.
The Identity and Passport Service as it is now known was established as an Executive Agency of the Home Office on 1 April 2006. A wise man learns from the mistakes of others, a fool learns from his own. The personnel at the passport office have a sense of humour judging from the date of this latest incarnation of their services.
In the advent of broad band internet connections, your first port of call is the “I need a replacement urgently” link on http://www.passport.gov.uk/. The crux of your situation is swiftly revealed by the appearance of the following statement: “If you need to travel in less than two weeks you should make an urgent application for a new passport. Your first step should be to call our Adviceline on 0870 521 0410 and make an appointment at one of our offices.”
Personally, I had a little over four hours, and by the time I had concluded beyond doubt that my passport was indeed lost beyond hope it was 2am. Unsurprisingly the Identity and Passport Agency are unable to offer an appointment at that time within that timescale. Surprisingly, given the time in the morning, they still answer the phone.
A gentle voice greeted me and soothingly yet remorselessly informed me that the fastest possible time for obtaining a new passport is seven days after an appointment. The relevant appointment personnel would not be present to accept a booking, let alone action one, until 10am.
There is an “emergency procedure”. In the case of dire business or life and death need, applications can be fast-tracked. The bar is set high though and even if cleared the minimum time in which a passport can be produced is four hours from the time that said bar has been negotiated and photos supplied.
Exceptionally the rules it seems can be overlooked. English pop singer Dido didn’t miss out when it was discovered that a passport was missing on her whirlwind attempt to play three gigs in an afternoon for the charity spectacular, Live8. Sadly the Easyjet’s of this world have slightly more stringent regulations than their private counterparts.
Not all celebrities are so lucky or so expert in their dealings. This summer Pete Doherty missed a concert in Ibiza after losing his passport and the same reason was quoted for the cancellation of a Sugababes gig in Denmark. Spare a thought though for Naomi Campbell's former personal assistant. Amanda Brack has claimed the supermodel attacked her three times, spat in her face and threw her passport in a swimming pool. At least she knew where it was.
By Andy Sloan, author of ‘23 Sweet FAs’, whose original brief was to cover the derby between Galatasaray and Fenerbahce, in Istanbul.
20 December 2006
A touching World Cup story
In January 2007 the England Women’s Touch Rugby team head out to South Africa for the Touch Rugby World Cup. After a gruelling selection process over the past month, a squad of 24 will be boarding the plane to Stellenbosch via Johannesburg to fly the flag in one of the UK’s fastest growing sports.
Touch Rugby, the summer cousin of Union and League, has seen a dramatic increase in participation in the past few years. Alongside Softball and Frisbee, the nation’s park-lands are now awash with Touch Rugby.
Almost in line with the influx of Australians in London and elsewhere, leagues have spawned, competitions have grown and, in turn, England’s standing in the game has improved. Whilst the England Men’s Rugby Union team have floundered since their epic 20-17 victory down-under in 2003, the England Women’s Touch team are current European Champions.
Touch Rugby’s appeal lies in its accessibility. It lacks the crunching brutality of its cousins but retains the skills and explosive action of the game. Elite players need to be strong sprinters, capable of changing direction in an instant (to avoid a touch or to wrong-foot an opponent) and have the tactical nouse and lightening reactions to work a break in the opposition’s line and capitalise on the smallest of mistakes.
It is a fast, furious game and those who underestimate it are soon left trailing the heels of others. The rules are simple, the work-out complete, and the competition as tough as you want it to be.
As you might expect in a sport fathered and championed in the rugby-mad nations of Australia and New Zealand, there is a distinct Antipodean touch to the current England squad. Nearly two-thirds of the team hail from beyond England’s green and pleasant lands; naturalised after three years of life on these shores.
Newest recruit to the England setup, Natalie Wanrooy, is just one such example. Born in Papua New Guinea and raised in Brisbane, Australia, she grew up playing rugby on the Gold Coast. “It’s a way of life out there,” she explained, tipping her home nation to win in Stellenbosch.
Wanrooy moved to England eight years ago and has been playing Touch Rugby in London ever since her arrival. “I love it” she said, smiling brightly, her enthusiasm for the sport evident in the passionate way in which she has embraced her new role in the England set up. “I’m absolutely stoked to have made the team” she said. “The girls are all amazing and I’m learning so much with every training session.”
Quizzed on the team’s chances against the tournament favourites, Australia, she struggles to retain the same conviction. “Not a chance,” she laughed. “You’ve got to be realistic; those girls are playing 24/7, their squad has been picked and training together for a year. They’re funded and frightening. We’ll have had 4 months preparation by comparison, do a lot of our training individually after work and have to scrape together our own funds for the trip.”
Wanrooy used to be part of the Australian women’s rugby union side before packing up and moving to England. “I wouldn’t have a chance of making the Australian Touch team” she said, “so it’s awesome to have found a way to make the World Cup with England.” Playing down her past brushes with the likes of Australian Rugby legends John Eals and Michael Lynagh, Wanrooy is confident that England can make an impact given a favourable group in January.
With a range of countries from Scotland to Singapore joining Australia, New Zealand and the hosts, South Africa, the competition is set to sizzle. “We’ve got to fancy ourselves against Scotland” said Wanroy, resident south of the border for long enough to recognise the rivalry, “and, no disrespect, but I didn’t even know Singapore had a team.” The England football team may be firing blanks against European minnows but England’s Touch Rugby women hope to sprint through the early rounds against their sport’s equivalent nations and take a punt at the big boys of Australia and New Zealand.
Looking to build on their European Championship success, it just might be England’s turn to shine. Every tournament brings an upset and whilst the odds may be against our girls returning victorious, an appearance in the final is a distinct possibility. Asked if she would turn down a last minute offer to defect and don the Australian jersey once more, Wanrooy was diplomatic; but a mischievous glint in her eye betrayed fond sentiment for her homeland. “Let’s just see how I get on with the English National Anthem” she replied.
Touch Rugby, the summer cousin of Union and League, has seen a dramatic increase in participation in the past few years. Alongside Softball and Frisbee, the nation’s park-lands are now awash with Touch Rugby.
Almost in line with the influx of Australians in London and elsewhere, leagues have spawned, competitions have grown and, in turn, England’s standing in the game has improved. Whilst the England Men’s Rugby Union team have floundered since their epic 20-17 victory down-under in 2003, the England Women’s Touch team are current European Champions.
Touch Rugby’s appeal lies in its accessibility. It lacks the crunching brutality of its cousins but retains the skills and explosive action of the game. Elite players need to be strong sprinters, capable of changing direction in an instant (to avoid a touch or to wrong-foot an opponent) and have the tactical nouse and lightening reactions to work a break in the opposition’s line and capitalise on the smallest of mistakes.
It is a fast, furious game and those who underestimate it are soon left trailing the heels of others. The rules are simple, the work-out complete, and the competition as tough as you want it to be.
As you might expect in a sport fathered and championed in the rugby-mad nations of Australia and New Zealand, there is a distinct Antipodean touch to the current England squad. Nearly two-thirds of the team hail from beyond England’s green and pleasant lands; naturalised after three years of life on these shores.
Newest recruit to the England setup, Natalie Wanrooy, is just one such example. Born in Papua New Guinea and raised in Brisbane, Australia, she grew up playing rugby on the Gold Coast. “It’s a way of life out there,” she explained, tipping her home nation to win in Stellenbosch.
Wanrooy moved to England eight years ago and has been playing Touch Rugby in London ever since her arrival. “I love it” she said, smiling brightly, her enthusiasm for the sport evident in the passionate way in which she has embraced her new role in the England set up. “I’m absolutely stoked to have made the team” she said. “The girls are all amazing and I’m learning so much with every training session.”
Quizzed on the team’s chances against the tournament favourites, Australia, she struggles to retain the same conviction. “Not a chance,” she laughed. “You’ve got to be realistic; those girls are playing 24/7, their squad has been picked and training together for a year. They’re funded and frightening. We’ll have had 4 months preparation by comparison, do a lot of our training individually after work and have to scrape together our own funds for the trip.”
Wanrooy used to be part of the Australian women’s rugby union side before packing up and moving to England. “I wouldn’t have a chance of making the Australian Touch team” she said, “so it’s awesome to have found a way to make the World Cup with England.” Playing down her past brushes with the likes of Australian Rugby legends John Eals and Michael Lynagh, Wanrooy is confident that England can make an impact given a favourable group in January.
With a range of countries from Scotland to Singapore joining Australia, New Zealand and the hosts, South Africa, the competition is set to sizzle. “We’ve got to fancy ourselves against Scotland” said Wanroy, resident south of the border for long enough to recognise the rivalry, “and, no disrespect, but I didn’t even know Singapore had a team.” The England football team may be firing blanks against European minnows but England’s Touch Rugby women hope to sprint through the early rounds against their sport’s equivalent nations and take a punt at the big boys of Australia and New Zealand.
Looking to build on their European Championship success, it just might be England’s turn to shine. Every tournament brings an upset and whilst the odds may be against our girls returning victorious, an appearance in the final is a distinct possibility. Asked if she would turn down a last minute offer to defect and don the Australian jersey once more, Wanrooy was diplomatic; but a mischievous glint in her eye betrayed fond sentiment for her homeland. “Let’s just see how I get on with the English National Anthem” she replied.
06 December 2006
Spurs put on a show to squeeze past 'Boro
On a barmy Tuesday night in December, a visitor to London could have done no better than to have entertained themselves at last night’s dubious looking fixture of Spurs v Middlesbrough at White Hart Lane.
It may have been a clash between last season’s UEFA Cup finalists and this season’s potential finalists but it was also a clash of mid-table mediocrity. Gareth Southgate has hardly set the world on fire in his fledgling months as manager of Middlesbrough and Martin Jol’s Spurs have frankly failed to build on the promise of last season, currently languishing 11th in the Premiership, rather lower than their aspirations of the fourth place Champions League spot allow.
Yet this encounter served up a treat of all that is good in English football. Three goals, two red cards and various bouts of fisty-cuffs was content enough to satisfy a television audience but such action on the pitch also had the effect of stirring the various sections of the crowd into a classic contest of their own.
“Stand up if you hate Arsenal” was a swift and unsurprising chant early on in the game by the Tottenham fans to which the Middlesbrough faithful promptly responded with, “3-0 to the Arsenal”, rejoicing in reminding the occupants of the south stand of Tottenham’s miserable defeat to their north London rivals three days prior.
Not to be outdone, the inventive north Londoners retaliated with “You’re just a small town in Scotland” and, on sighting a man in a flat cap and barber jacket who seemed rather quiet, “you only sing when you’re farming”. This verbal jousting must have fascinated any foreigners present, an insight into life on the English terraces. Forget a year in Provence; a year in the south stand at Spurs will provide a cultural education of its own.
The first half wasn’t entirely pretty as both sides managed to convey why they continually fail to trouble the top of the table. Jonathan Woodgate, formerly of Real Madrid, Newcastle and England, belied his pedigree by completely misjudging a simple defensive header for Middlesbrough early on and Jermaine Defoe, having won a rare recent start proved profligate to the extreme, seemingly unable to pull the trigger early and fire home, despite numerous chances.
On 47 minutes Dimitar Berbatov stepped up to the plate and broke the deadlock with his second league goal of the season. Game on. As the fans increased their volume in celebration and renewed taunting of the farmer, so the match spread out, the pace quickened and the challenges stiffened.
The ‘Boro fans were thrown a lifeline on 80 minutes when Steward Downing curled in a corner which, after a short bout of pinball in the Tottenham six yard box, was slammed home by Robert Huth. Their joy was short lived. Robbie Keane joined the fray in place of Steed Malbranque and four minutes later struck home from 25 yards following a quickly taken free quick.
Middlesbrough frustrations boiled over leading to a cynical challenge on Pascal Chimbonda which prompted unnecessary intervention from Didier Zokora and his midfield counterpart George Boateng who, after having exchanged pleasantries in a scuffle against the advertising hoardings, were both given their marching orders by referee Mark Halsey.
The fans were then treated to an inexplicable five minutes of added time before the final whistle granted the Middlesbrough section leave to commence their long trek north and Southgate to mull Keane’s suckerpunch. Martin Jol may well have aged in the process of earning these three points, but they will be three points well received from what was essentially a pantomime of a performance.
It may have been a clash between last season’s UEFA Cup finalists and this season’s potential finalists but it was also a clash of mid-table mediocrity. Gareth Southgate has hardly set the world on fire in his fledgling months as manager of Middlesbrough and Martin Jol’s Spurs have frankly failed to build on the promise of last season, currently languishing 11th in the Premiership, rather lower than their aspirations of the fourth place Champions League spot allow.
Yet this encounter served up a treat of all that is good in English football. Three goals, two red cards and various bouts of fisty-cuffs was content enough to satisfy a television audience but such action on the pitch also had the effect of stirring the various sections of the crowd into a classic contest of their own.
“Stand up if you hate Arsenal” was a swift and unsurprising chant early on in the game by the Tottenham fans to which the Middlesbrough faithful promptly responded with, “3-0 to the Arsenal”, rejoicing in reminding the occupants of the south stand of Tottenham’s miserable defeat to their north London rivals three days prior.
Not to be outdone, the inventive north Londoners retaliated with “You’re just a small town in Scotland” and, on sighting a man in a flat cap and barber jacket who seemed rather quiet, “you only sing when you’re farming”. This verbal jousting must have fascinated any foreigners present, an insight into life on the English terraces. Forget a year in Provence; a year in the south stand at Spurs will provide a cultural education of its own.
The first half wasn’t entirely pretty as both sides managed to convey why they continually fail to trouble the top of the table. Jonathan Woodgate, formerly of Real Madrid, Newcastle and England, belied his pedigree by completely misjudging a simple defensive header for Middlesbrough early on and Jermaine Defoe, having won a rare recent start proved profligate to the extreme, seemingly unable to pull the trigger early and fire home, despite numerous chances.
On 47 minutes Dimitar Berbatov stepped up to the plate and broke the deadlock with his second league goal of the season. Game on. As the fans increased their volume in celebration and renewed taunting of the farmer, so the match spread out, the pace quickened and the challenges stiffened.
The ‘Boro fans were thrown a lifeline on 80 minutes when Steward Downing curled in a corner which, after a short bout of pinball in the Tottenham six yard box, was slammed home by Robert Huth. Their joy was short lived. Robbie Keane joined the fray in place of Steed Malbranque and four minutes later struck home from 25 yards following a quickly taken free quick.
Middlesbrough frustrations boiled over leading to a cynical challenge on Pascal Chimbonda which prompted unnecessary intervention from Didier Zokora and his midfield counterpart George Boateng who, after having exchanged pleasantries in a scuffle against the advertising hoardings, were both given their marching orders by referee Mark Halsey.
The fans were then treated to an inexplicable five minutes of added time before the final whistle granted the Middlesbrough section leave to commence their long trek north and Southgate to mull Keane’s suckerpunch. Martin Jol may well have aged in the process of earning these three points, but they will be three points well received from what was essentially a pantomime of a performance.
22 November 2006
The Return of the Hoff
Article for Guardian travel competition (July 2006):
"Crikey" said my little brother, as he turned his head, his eyes staying fixed on the road-sign as our trusty vehicle sped past it. "Ausfahrt must be a big place. That's the fourth exit we've passed for it."
We had not been long across the German border yet he was already proving that the German word for "EXIT" had slipped from his GCSE vocabulary. He had, however, replaced such knowledge with a cunning knack for dreaming up the most important necessity for any World Cup: a World Cup costume.
Having secured tickets for the second round match in Stuttgart, my brother, two friends and myself set out across the continent with high hopes of watching England v Germany but settled for England v Ecuador after a dangerous flirtation with the prospect of Sweden v Ecuador. We were to grace the Fatherland for one week only and therefore World Cup drinking costumes were top of our list of pre-road-trip things to organise. We were English fans after all and had a reputation to live up to.
Suggestion number one from my inspired brother was Darth Vader. Quizzical emails were exchanged between us as to the connection with football and/or England until he revealed what he intended to print on Darth's cape: "the Empire Strikes Back". Amidst much laughter, and with some regret, it was decided that this stroke of genius was probably too close to the bone and another master plan was called for. He obliged.
"The Hoff is an England Fan" read the t-shirt. From under a 70s style, black, curly, wig, behind oversized aviators, sporting short red shorts, flip flops and with a rescue buoy in hand, strategically rested on one shoulder for the cameras, the four of us reintroduced the Hoff to the Germans.
The man who claims to have reunified Germany (his song "Crazy for you" was seized upon as an anthem at the time the Berlin Wall came down) and who graced our screens for years as Michael Knight and Mitch Buchanan in Knight Rider and Baywatch respectively, was back in town.
"Hans Hoff England's Cup" read the back of the t-shirt for any in doubt as to our true origins.
The Germans, to our unjustified surprise, welcomed the English (and the Hoff) into their homeland and organised a cracker of a tournament.
Naturally the efficiency of their organisation was at an optimum, but there was an unprecedented sprinkling of understanding and common sense as to the requirements and desires of the travelling fans that was the making of this World Cup. From extra fan zones with giant screens to accommodate the thousands who travelled without tickets, to requiring deposits for beer glasses, therefore minimalising litter and missiles, the Germans were one step ahead.
And for any locals lacking a sense of humour, or bemoaning the fact that both England and Germany crashed out ahead of their much vaunted meeting in the final, the reply was simple. "Hey, don't hassle the Hoff".
"Crikey" said my little brother, as he turned his head, his eyes staying fixed on the road-sign as our trusty vehicle sped past it. "Ausfahrt must be a big place. That's the fourth exit we've passed for it."
We had not been long across the German border yet he was already proving that the German word for "EXIT" had slipped from his GCSE vocabulary. He had, however, replaced such knowledge with a cunning knack for dreaming up the most important necessity for any World Cup: a World Cup costume.
Having secured tickets for the second round match in Stuttgart, my brother, two friends and myself set out across the continent with high hopes of watching England v Germany but settled for England v Ecuador after a dangerous flirtation with the prospect of Sweden v Ecuador. We were to grace the Fatherland for one week only and therefore World Cup drinking costumes were top of our list of pre-road-trip things to organise. We were English fans after all and had a reputation to live up to.
Suggestion number one from my inspired brother was Darth Vader. Quizzical emails were exchanged between us as to the connection with football and/or England until he revealed what he intended to print on Darth's cape: "the Empire Strikes Back". Amidst much laughter, and with some regret, it was decided that this stroke of genius was probably too close to the bone and another master plan was called for. He obliged.
"The Hoff is an England Fan" read the t-shirt. From under a 70s style, black, curly, wig, behind oversized aviators, sporting short red shorts, flip flops and with a rescue buoy in hand, strategically rested on one shoulder for the cameras, the four of us reintroduced the Hoff to the Germans.
The man who claims to have reunified Germany (his song "Crazy for you" was seized upon as an anthem at the time the Berlin Wall came down) and who graced our screens for years as Michael Knight and Mitch Buchanan in Knight Rider and Baywatch respectively, was back in town.
"Hans Hoff England's Cup" read the back of the t-shirt for any in doubt as to our true origins.
The Germans, to our unjustified surprise, welcomed the English (and the Hoff) into their homeland and organised a cracker of a tournament.
Naturally the efficiency of their organisation was at an optimum, but there was an unprecedented sprinkling of understanding and common sense as to the requirements and desires of the travelling fans that was the making of this World Cup. From extra fan zones with giant screens to accommodate the thousands who travelled without tickets, to requiring deposits for beer glasses, therefore minimalising litter and missiles, the Germans were one step ahead.
And for any locals lacking a sense of humour, or bemoaning the fact that both England and Germany crashed out ahead of their much vaunted meeting in the final, the reply was simple. "Hey, don't hassle the Hoff".
16 November 2006
Bond and Beckham - Unwitting bedfellows
Random article surrounding the release of Casino Royale:
Watching Bond is like watching England; it so often fails to deliver after such promise but we, the public, are duty bound to go back for more lapping up the entertainment from the love affair with two of our nation's foremost franchises. This week Ian Fleming's creation returned to our screens as Steve McClaren's charges too returned to action last night against Holland. The similarities were striking.
Bond, an institution, a franchise, knows it has a captive audience. Bond has been bad for years but with each encounter the general public cannot get away from the fact that it is still Bond and, whilst reminiscing about the good old days of Connery and co., turn out in their droves to cheer on 007's increasingly ridiculous adventures.
Likewise England; the reign of Sven-Goran Eriksson delivered nothing other than mediocrity, three quarter-final exits in major championships, a few howlers in the form of encounters with Northern Ireland and Denmark and the odd ray of hope, that special night in Munich on 1 September 2001. It has been a long time since 1966 (its been a long time since 2001 for that matter) but still the fans flock to stadiums in their thousands to sing songs about the Queen and hope that maybe, just maybe, they might be treated to the type of glorious England performance we've all been waiting for.
Recognising rising tensions and keen to stall downward trends, both Bond and England have sought to reinvent themselves. The past year has seen the old adage take hold of "out with the old and in with the new", Daniel Craig swaggering into the limelight as the first blonde Bond and McClaren being handed the managerial reigns, delivering the coup de grace to Sven's regime by axing long-loved skipper David Beckham. Hair today, gone tomorrow, step forward big John Terry to lead the new generation.
Much trumpeting heralded these changes but neither was greeted with much aplomb by the public. Craig was lampooned as lacking the credentials and the charisma to carry off the tuxedoed caricature of Bond, whilst McClaren was clearly the FA's second choice, earning the moniker "Second Choice Steve". His early results hinted at promise but the disappointing defeat to Croatia shattered what honeymoon period the former Middlesbrough manager had been awarded by the media and the fans at large.
How the stars like to prove their critics wrong though. Craig has banished his doubters in the best fashion by keeping schtum and proving his worth on the silver screen in a back to basics bare-knuckle Bond that has had the pundits cooing in his direction.
McClaren sought similar success by culling Beckham, banning the WAGs (or at least frowning on past profligacies) and shying away from the obscure (Eileen Drewery) and the unfortunate (sting meetings with fake sheiks).
However, as proved by last night's draw with the Dutch, McClaren's back to basics treatment has failed to cure England's malaise and the jury is still out on his tenure and tactical tinkering. Admittedly his hand was swayed by a swathe of injuries, real or imagined, but although there are no cries to bring back Beckham, for England to impress, results are required regardless of excuses. Time is on McClaren's side though, he has until March before England's next competitive outing to plan the subsequent steps to re-inventing the England franchise.
Bond and England, two of Britain's great institutions juggernaut onwards and, regardless of the results this time and next, you can guarantee we will be back for more. Theatre it isn't, but entertainment it most definitely is.
Watching Bond is like watching England; it so often fails to deliver after such promise but we, the public, are duty bound to go back for more lapping up the entertainment from the love affair with two of our nation's foremost franchises. This week Ian Fleming's creation returned to our screens as Steve McClaren's charges too returned to action last night against Holland. The similarities were striking.
Bond, an institution, a franchise, knows it has a captive audience. Bond has been bad for years but with each encounter the general public cannot get away from the fact that it is still Bond and, whilst reminiscing about the good old days of Connery and co., turn out in their droves to cheer on 007's increasingly ridiculous adventures.
Likewise England; the reign of Sven-Goran Eriksson delivered nothing other than mediocrity, three quarter-final exits in major championships, a few howlers in the form of encounters with Northern Ireland and Denmark and the odd ray of hope, that special night in Munich on 1 September 2001. It has been a long time since 1966 (its been a long time since 2001 for that matter) but still the fans flock to stadiums in their thousands to sing songs about the Queen and hope that maybe, just maybe, they might be treated to the type of glorious England performance we've all been waiting for.
Recognising rising tensions and keen to stall downward trends, both Bond and England have sought to reinvent themselves. The past year has seen the old adage take hold of "out with the old and in with the new", Daniel Craig swaggering into the limelight as the first blonde Bond and McClaren being handed the managerial reigns, delivering the coup de grace to Sven's regime by axing long-loved skipper David Beckham. Hair today, gone tomorrow, step forward big John Terry to lead the new generation.
Much trumpeting heralded these changes but neither was greeted with much aplomb by the public. Craig was lampooned as lacking the credentials and the charisma to carry off the tuxedoed caricature of Bond, whilst McClaren was clearly the FA's second choice, earning the moniker "Second Choice Steve". His early results hinted at promise but the disappointing defeat to Croatia shattered what honeymoon period the former Middlesbrough manager had been awarded by the media and the fans at large.
How the stars like to prove their critics wrong though. Craig has banished his doubters in the best fashion by keeping schtum and proving his worth on the silver screen in a back to basics bare-knuckle Bond that has had the pundits cooing in his direction.
McClaren sought similar success by culling Beckham, banning the WAGs (or at least frowning on past profligacies) and shying away from the obscure (Eileen Drewery) and the unfortunate (sting meetings with fake sheiks).
However, as proved by last night's draw with the Dutch, McClaren's back to basics treatment has failed to cure England's malaise and the jury is still out on his tenure and tactical tinkering. Admittedly his hand was swayed by a swathe of injuries, real or imagined, but although there are no cries to bring back Beckham, for England to impress, results are required regardless of excuses. Time is on McClaren's side though, he has until March before England's next competitive outing to plan the subsequent steps to re-inventing the England franchise.
Bond and England, two of Britain's great institutions juggernaut onwards and, regardless of the results this time and next, you can guarantee we will be back for more. Theatre it isn't, but entertainment it most definitely is.
04 November 2006
The stars come out for Jackson
Article on the charity launch of a local boxer's attempt to run across America (Norwich Evening News - 2 November 2006)
Olympic silver medallist Amir Khan and Darren Huckerby and Bryan Gunn amongst other stars lent their support last night to Norwich boxer, Jackson Williams, who launched his charity bid to run across America. The glitzy event, held at the Marriott Sprowston Manor Hotel, raised nearly £10,000 for Jackson’s two nominated charities, the Motor Neurone Disease Association and the Bryan Gunn Leukaemia Appeal.
Jackson, who stepped into the ring against Khan last February, has set himself the daunting challenge of running 3,100 miles from Los Angeles to New York non-stop. He is however no stranger to long distance running. Aged 17, whilst studying at City College he ran from London to Norwich and a year later raised the bar by running 400 miles home to his native Norwich from Scotland, arriving to large acclaim at Carrow road in time for a derby day kick-off against Ipswich.
Not content with what most people would regard as a lifetime’s exercise Jackson, like Khan has set his sights on America. What he is proposing, however, is perhaps a far sterner test than the twelve rounds Khan may face when he eventually crosses the Atlantic to further his career. “It [the run] is going to take a lot of bottle but I think he’ll do it. I’ve seen him, I’ve been in the same ring as him. He’ll do it.”
Khan, who made time in his schedule to attend last night’s event, defeated Jackson in the ring by virtue of a 3rd round technical knockout in their clash at London’s ExCel Arena in February. His next bout is against an unnamed American opponent at the ExCel Arena on December 9 ahead of making his American debut next year. He may rely on more conventional means of transport to travel across the continent. “I’m feeling good, feeling sharp and I’m looking forward to fighting over there,” he said.
Huckerby has known Jackson for a couple of years since his return to City. Aside from running defenders ragged, the most Huckerby has ever run in one go is around 10 miles, so he was in awe of what Jackson is proposing to achieve. “I can’t see many of our [Norwich] players making it that far” he said. “Boxing has got a special kind of discipline. I think if anybody is going to do it a boxer can. They train very hard for long periods of time so I’m sure he’ll be able to do it. He’s got to have a bit of mental strength, else he wouldn’t be a boxer.”
Jackson’s run is inspired by the death of his friend, Edward Beddar, in March 2006 at the hands of Motor Neurone Disease and the work of Gunn, the former Canaries keeper, who set up the Bryan Gunn Leukaemia Appeal following the death of his two-year-old daughter from the disease in 1992.
Confident of the task in front of him Jackson was in fine spirit given the remarkable show of support for his attempt and for his charitable work. City legend, Gunn, was in awe of his hard work. “What Jackson is doing is incredible. You have got to give him credit because he has guts in abundance to try something like this.” Jackson’s mum was naturally also quick to praise her son and confident that he had the determination and the ability to succeed. “He’ll crawl if he has to,” she added, with a knowing smile.
For more information on Jackson’s run, the charities, and how to donate, please go to www.jacksonwilliams.co.uk.
Olympic silver medallist Amir Khan and Darren Huckerby and Bryan Gunn amongst other stars lent their support last night to Norwich boxer, Jackson Williams, who launched his charity bid to run across America. The glitzy event, held at the Marriott Sprowston Manor Hotel, raised nearly £10,000 for Jackson’s two nominated charities, the Motor Neurone Disease Association and the Bryan Gunn Leukaemia Appeal.
Jackson, who stepped into the ring against Khan last February, has set himself the daunting challenge of running 3,100 miles from Los Angeles to New York non-stop. He is however no stranger to long distance running. Aged 17, whilst studying at City College he ran from London to Norwich and a year later raised the bar by running 400 miles home to his native Norwich from Scotland, arriving to large acclaim at Carrow road in time for a derby day kick-off against Ipswich.
Not content with what most people would regard as a lifetime’s exercise Jackson, like Khan has set his sights on America. What he is proposing, however, is perhaps a far sterner test than the twelve rounds Khan may face when he eventually crosses the Atlantic to further his career. “It [the run] is going to take a lot of bottle but I think he’ll do it. I’ve seen him, I’ve been in the same ring as him. He’ll do it.”
Khan, who made time in his schedule to attend last night’s event, defeated Jackson in the ring by virtue of a 3rd round technical knockout in their clash at London’s ExCel Arena in February. His next bout is against an unnamed American opponent at the ExCel Arena on December 9 ahead of making his American debut next year. He may rely on more conventional means of transport to travel across the continent. “I’m feeling good, feeling sharp and I’m looking forward to fighting over there,” he said.
Huckerby has known Jackson for a couple of years since his return to City. Aside from running defenders ragged, the most Huckerby has ever run in one go is around 10 miles, so he was in awe of what Jackson is proposing to achieve. “I can’t see many of our [Norwich] players making it that far” he said. “Boxing has got a special kind of discipline. I think if anybody is going to do it a boxer can. They train very hard for long periods of time so I’m sure he’ll be able to do it. He’s got to have a bit of mental strength, else he wouldn’t be a boxer.”
Jackson’s run is inspired by the death of his friend, Edward Beddar, in March 2006 at the hands of Motor Neurone Disease and the work of Gunn, the former Canaries keeper, who set up the Bryan Gunn Leukaemia Appeal following the death of his two-year-old daughter from the disease in 1992.
Confident of the task in front of him Jackson was in fine spirit given the remarkable show of support for his attempt and for his charitable work. City legend, Gunn, was in awe of his hard work. “What Jackson is doing is incredible. You have got to give him credit because he has guts in abundance to try something like this.” Jackson’s mum was naturally also quick to praise her son and confident that he had the determination and the ability to succeed. “He’ll crawl if he has to,” she added, with a knowing smile.
For more information on Jackson’s run, the charities, and how to donate, please go to www.jacksonwilliams.co.uk.
The Week Ahead
Brief article summarising sporting action in the week ahead. (Norwich Evening News - 31 October 2006)
Monday 6th: Stoke take on Coventry in the Coca-Cola League Championship while, north of the border, Aberdeen travel to Inverness in the Bank of Scotland Scottish Premier League.
Tuesday 7th: Resist the urge to watch Saudia Arabia take on Jordan and settle down for Carling Cup fourth round action as Southend look to cause an unlikely sensation at Old Trafford against Manchester United.
Wednesday 8th: More Carling Cup action including the all-Premiership encounter of Chelsea v Aston Villa.
Thursday 9th: There is virtually nothing on so take the limited opportunity to pamper the wife/girlfriend/significant others ahead of a cracking weekend of sport.
Friday 10th: England’s cricketers continue their pre-Ashes warm-up down under ahead of the opening clash on November 23 in Brisbane. They take on a Prime Minister’s XI in Canberra.
Saturday 11th: Norwich travel to high-flying West Bromwich Albion in the Coca-Cola League Championship. There are also seven fixtures in the Premiership as Manchester United travel to Blackburn and Watford contemplate dreamland, a clean sheet away at Chelsea.
Sunday 12th: England take on the All Blacks in what will be a crunching encounter at Twickenham with both sides looking for to secure a vital psychological edge ahead of next year’s World Cup.
Monday 6th: Stoke take on Coventry in the Coca-Cola League Championship while, north of the border, Aberdeen travel to Inverness in the Bank of Scotland Scottish Premier League.
Tuesday 7th: Resist the urge to watch Saudia Arabia take on Jordan and settle down for Carling Cup fourth round action as Southend look to cause an unlikely sensation at Old Trafford against Manchester United.
Wednesday 8th: More Carling Cup action including the all-Premiership encounter of Chelsea v Aston Villa.
Thursday 9th: There is virtually nothing on so take the limited opportunity to pamper the wife/girlfriend/significant others ahead of a cracking weekend of sport.
Friday 10th: England’s cricketers continue their pre-Ashes warm-up down under ahead of the opening clash on November 23 in Brisbane. They take on a Prime Minister’s XI in Canberra.
Saturday 11th: Norwich travel to high-flying West Bromwich Albion in the Coca-Cola League Championship. There are also seven fixtures in the Premiership as Manchester United travel to Blackburn and Watford contemplate dreamland, a clean sheet away at Chelsea.
Sunday 12th: England take on the All Blacks in what will be a crunching encounter at Twickenham with both sides looking for to secure a vital psychological edge ahead of next year’s World Cup.
Fan's View - Norwich v Colchester
Opinion on the Norwich Colchester match, one from my view, and the other on behalf of another fan following a quick telephone call. (Norwich Evening News - 1 November 2006)
It was far from a happy Halloween at Carrow road last night. Norwich, with Huckerby and Earnshaw back in their ranks and showing their class, could have ended this game by half time. Instead, the City faithful had to face a cute finish from their old favourite, Jamie Cureton, and the pain of the U’s supporters chanting “are you Ipswich in disguise?”
Dickson Etuhu stepped up to the plate to rescue City in the 72nd minute from long range but Norwich, despite bringing on Dion Dublin, failed to add a second and let two points slip away. The performance was much improved from the nightmare against Stoke City, but missed chances don’t count for anything come the final whistle.
Andy Sloan
Colchester came to do a job. They were workmanlike and bossed the game for long periods. Whilst City looked better once Dion Dublin came on, they relied too much on the long ball. Etuhu’s produced another fantastic strike which followed some good build-up play, now he just needs to supply the same in away games.
Sad to say it was a point gained rather than two lost. If City are going to challenge for the play-offs they need to put teams like Colchester to the sword. Simply not good enough.
Keith Roads
It was far from a happy Halloween at Carrow road last night. Norwich, with Huckerby and Earnshaw back in their ranks and showing their class, could have ended this game by half time. Instead, the City faithful had to face a cute finish from their old favourite, Jamie Cureton, and the pain of the U’s supporters chanting “are you Ipswich in disguise?”
Dickson Etuhu stepped up to the plate to rescue City in the 72nd minute from long range but Norwich, despite bringing on Dion Dublin, failed to add a second and let two points slip away. The performance was much improved from the nightmare against Stoke City, but missed chances don’t count for anything come the final whistle.
Andy Sloan
Colchester came to do a job. They were workmanlike and bossed the game for long periods. Whilst City looked better once Dion Dublin came on, they relied too much on the long ball. Etuhu’s produced another fantastic strike which followed some good build-up play, now he just needs to supply the same in away games.
Sad to say it was a point gained rather than two lost. If City are going to challenge for the play-offs they need to put teams like Colchester to the sword. Simply not good enough.
Keith Roads
You're the Boss - Norwich v Sunderland
Short piece on my team selection and reasoning behind it for Norwich v Sunderland, as a token Norwich fan for the day. (Norwich Evening News - 3 November 2006)
(4-4-2)
Gallacher; Drury, Shackell, Dublin, Colin; Eagle, Etuhu, Safri, Robinson; Huckerby, Earnshaw.
Subs: Ashdown, Ryan Jarvis, Hughes, Spillane, Thorne.
The draw with Colchester showed the importance of having Darren Huckerby and Robert Earnshaw fit and present. In spells, before they tired, their performance gave hope to the City faithful.
Etuhu will look to make it a hat-trick of three home strikes and should continue his central partnership with Safri, who was unlucky not to score from long range himself against the U’s.
Should, as feared, Gary Doherty and Craig Fleming fail late fitness tests then Grant should call for the experienced head of Dion Dublin to deputise ahead of the inexperienced, though promising, Michael Spillane. Dublin proved time after time on Tuesday his prowess in the air and, although naturally preferring a striking role, would relish a full 90 minutes against Keano’s Black Cats.
Adam Drury and Colin Jurgen continue to pick themselves but both need to push further up the pitch given the opportunity, with or without the ball, to offer themselves as an option or simply to draw markers to them and create the space for Earnshaw and Huckerby to attack.
Roy Keane will be looking to instill in his Sunderland side some of the steel with which he ruled the Old Trafford turf and knowing this, Peter Grant has made reference to “brains over braun”; but Norwich will need to hold their own and out-beef Sunderland, something Dublin, with his size and experience is perfectly placed to do.
(4-4-2)
Gallacher; Drury, Shackell, Dublin, Colin; Eagle, Etuhu, Safri, Robinson; Huckerby, Earnshaw.
Subs: Ashdown, Ryan Jarvis, Hughes, Spillane, Thorne.
The draw with Colchester showed the importance of having Darren Huckerby and Robert Earnshaw fit and present. In spells, before they tired, their performance gave hope to the City faithful.
Etuhu will look to make it a hat-trick of three home strikes and should continue his central partnership with Safri, who was unlucky not to score from long range himself against the U’s.
Should, as feared, Gary Doherty and Craig Fleming fail late fitness tests then Grant should call for the experienced head of Dion Dublin to deputise ahead of the inexperienced, though promising, Michael Spillane. Dublin proved time after time on Tuesday his prowess in the air and, although naturally preferring a striking role, would relish a full 90 minutes against Keano’s Black Cats.
Adam Drury and Colin Jurgen continue to pick themselves but both need to push further up the pitch given the opportunity, with or without the ball, to offer themselves as an option or simply to draw markers to them and create the space for Earnshaw and Huckerby to attack.
Roy Keane will be looking to instill in his Sunderland side some of the steel with which he ruled the Old Trafford turf and knowing this, Peter Grant has made reference to “brains over braun”; but Norwich will need to hold their own and out-beef Sunderland, something Dublin, with his size and experience is perfectly placed to do.
30 October 2006
Huckerby fit to tame Black Cats
Article following interview with Darren Huckerby at a charity dinner. (Norwich Evening News - 2 November 2006)
Darren Huckerby is fit and raring to help turn around Norwich’s recent poor form with a win on the weekend over Roy Keane’s Sunderland.
Speaking at last night’s charity dinner in aid of Jackson William’s run across America, Huckerby said “I’m feeling very good. My back was tight to be honest, a couple of little niggles, and I got cramp in my calves in the last twenty minutes [of the Colchester game]. It was difficult, I hadn’t trained at all for two weeks and then straight back in. Didn’t really even train the day before, you know. It’s nice to be back and with a few days training hopefully I’ll be ready for Saturday.”
The Black Cats are smarting from a 2-1 loss at home to Championship leaders Cardiff and Huckerby, who returned to action for the Canaries in Tuesday’s 1-1 draw with Colchester, is eager to add to their manager, Roy Keane’s, discontent.
Keane was not amused by Sunderland’s capitulation at the Stadium of Light despite it being their sternest test to date. They have now lost four of their last seven games. “But what do you do?” he countered, “feel sorry for yourself? We’ll kick on and get ready for Saturday. The least I expect is a reaction against Norwich.” He must fancy his chances. Norwich haven’t won in their last three outings and have shipped an embarrassing number of goals, so Keane will not be the only manager hoping for reactions from his players. Peter Grant has made his feelings clear, City must win at home.
Level on points, Sunderland and City are separated only by the Canary’s inferior goal difference, four worse than Sunderland, a result of their respective encounters with Stoke. Norwich were not alone to fall foul at the Britannia stadium in October but Sunderland’s goal difference only took a dent of one, compared with City’s five.
The Canaries supporters will be calling for nothing short of three points on Saturday. The largest crowd of the season enjoyed a wet and windy Halloween outing lacking in tricks or treats on Tuesday, although if Dion Dublin’s neat back-heel to play Robert Earnshaw into the Colchester’s penalty box had resulted in the winner, the fans, the media and the players would be less critical. Points win prizes though and if Norwich are to maintain aspirations of play-off contention then such tricks need to deliver real treats.
“It [Saturday] will be a tough game” said Huckerby. “But we’ve got nearly everybody back now. Crofty’s still out but apart from that we’re nearly full strength. We’ll have to see what they chuck at us and hopefully we’ll have enough to beat them.
On the well-being of Doherty and Fleming, who both limped out of Tuesday’s disappointing draw Huckerby added, “they’re touch and go at the minute, obviously the physios know more than me about that,” but was confident that Norwich had enough talent to cover their absence. “We’ve got young Jason Shackell who’s been very, very good.”
Roy Keane is held in high regard by Huckerby. “He’s untested as a manager, but I tell you something, he’s probably on the best centre midfielder that’s been around for the last 20 years. As a player I’ve played against him many times and he was always exception and if he can take that into management he’ll be very successful.
Huckerby’s comments from November last year, when Norwich were struggling in the Premiership, unfortunately, still ring true twelve months later in the Championship: “We do not have a divine right to win games or be top of the league but we expect ourselves to do better.” Do better they must, starting with three points at home against Sunderland. The Black Cats, however, have been given a kick by Keane and are on the prowl for fresh prey.
Darren Huckerby is fit and raring to help turn around Norwich’s recent poor form with a win on the weekend over Roy Keane’s Sunderland.
Speaking at last night’s charity dinner in aid of Jackson William’s run across America, Huckerby said “I’m feeling very good. My back was tight to be honest, a couple of little niggles, and I got cramp in my calves in the last twenty minutes [of the Colchester game]. It was difficult, I hadn’t trained at all for two weeks and then straight back in. Didn’t really even train the day before, you know. It’s nice to be back and with a few days training hopefully I’ll be ready for Saturday.”
The Black Cats are smarting from a 2-1 loss at home to Championship leaders Cardiff and Huckerby, who returned to action for the Canaries in Tuesday’s 1-1 draw with Colchester, is eager to add to their manager, Roy Keane’s, discontent.
Keane was not amused by Sunderland’s capitulation at the Stadium of Light despite it being their sternest test to date. They have now lost four of their last seven games. “But what do you do?” he countered, “feel sorry for yourself? We’ll kick on and get ready for Saturday. The least I expect is a reaction against Norwich.” He must fancy his chances. Norwich haven’t won in their last three outings and have shipped an embarrassing number of goals, so Keane will not be the only manager hoping for reactions from his players. Peter Grant has made his feelings clear, City must win at home.
Level on points, Sunderland and City are separated only by the Canary’s inferior goal difference, four worse than Sunderland, a result of their respective encounters with Stoke. Norwich were not alone to fall foul at the Britannia stadium in October but Sunderland’s goal difference only took a dent of one, compared with City’s five.
The Canaries supporters will be calling for nothing short of three points on Saturday. The largest crowd of the season enjoyed a wet and windy Halloween outing lacking in tricks or treats on Tuesday, although if Dion Dublin’s neat back-heel to play Robert Earnshaw into the Colchester’s penalty box had resulted in the winner, the fans, the media and the players would be less critical. Points win prizes though and if Norwich are to maintain aspirations of play-off contention then such tricks need to deliver real treats.
“It [Saturday] will be a tough game” said Huckerby. “But we’ve got nearly everybody back now. Crofty’s still out but apart from that we’re nearly full strength. We’ll have to see what they chuck at us and hopefully we’ll have enough to beat them.
On the well-being of Doherty and Fleming, who both limped out of Tuesday’s disappointing draw Huckerby added, “they’re touch and go at the minute, obviously the physios know more than me about that,” but was confident that Norwich had enough talent to cover their absence. “We’ve got young Jason Shackell who’s been very, very good.”
Roy Keane is held in high regard by Huckerby. “He’s untested as a manager, but I tell you something, he’s probably on the best centre midfielder that’s been around for the last 20 years. As a player I’ve played against him many times and he was always exception and if he can take that into management he’ll be very successful.
Huckerby’s comments from November last year, when Norwich were struggling in the Premiership, unfortunately, still ring true twelve months later in the Championship: “We do not have a divine right to win games or be top of the league but we expect ourselves to do better.” Do better they must, starting with three points at home against Sunderland. The Black Cats, however, have been given a kick by Keane and are on the prowl for fresh prey.
You're the boss - Norwich v Colchester
Fan's team selection (Norwich Evening News - 30 October 2006)
You're the boss
Gallacher; Drury, Shackell, Doherty, Colin; Eagle, Etuhu, Safri, Ryan Jarvis; Dublin, Thorne.
Subs: Camp, Hughes, Spillane, Rossi Jarvis, Robinson
With half the Norwich team on the injury table, and in the wake of two horrible defeats, Peter Grant must go back to basics to ensure three points against Colchester.
The remaining players know and are comfortable with 4-4-2. Now is not the time to tinker. Only two points separate Coventry in 8th place and City in 18th, so a home win tonight could shoot City back up the table, as well as provide a much needed morale-booster.
The Championship’s leading goal-scorer, Robert Earnshaw, and the ever-energetic Darren Huckerby are unlikely to win their race for fitness and with Lee Croft freshly crocked, Grant may be forced to hand Peter Thorne his first league start of the season alongside Dion Dublin.
Gary Doherty has on numerous occasions in the past stepped forward to lead the line, but when paired with Dublin, like with Teddy Sheingham during his time at Spurs, pace would be sorely lacking. Thorne may not be that much quicker over 10 yards, but after so long on the sidelines he would surely relish the chance to start and be out to prove a point.
Doherty, as was shown against Stoke, is a defender, so let him play where he plays best and leave the midfield duties to Youssef Safri (back from injury) and Dickson Etuhu who are more than man enough to boss the centre of the park when in the mood. Given the opportunity, Robert Eagle and Ryan Jarvis on their respective flanks would provide the pace to trouble the Colchester back-line and the service for Dublin and Thorne.
Regardless, City need a result.
You're the boss
Gallacher; Drury, Shackell, Doherty, Colin; Eagle, Etuhu, Safri, Ryan Jarvis; Dublin, Thorne.
Subs: Camp, Hughes, Spillane, Rossi Jarvis, Robinson
With half the Norwich team on the injury table, and in the wake of two horrible defeats, Peter Grant must go back to basics to ensure three points against Colchester.
The remaining players know and are comfortable with 4-4-2. Now is not the time to tinker. Only two points separate Coventry in 8th place and City in 18th, so a home win tonight could shoot City back up the table, as well as provide a much needed morale-booster.
The Championship’s leading goal-scorer, Robert Earnshaw, and the ever-energetic Darren Huckerby are unlikely to win their race for fitness and with Lee Croft freshly crocked, Grant may be forced to hand Peter Thorne his first league start of the season alongside Dion Dublin.
Gary Doherty has on numerous occasions in the past stepped forward to lead the line, but when paired with Dublin, like with Teddy Sheingham during his time at Spurs, pace would be sorely lacking. Thorne may not be that much quicker over 10 yards, but after so long on the sidelines he would surely relish the chance to start and be out to prove a point.
Doherty, as was shown against Stoke, is a defender, so let him play where he plays best and leave the midfield duties to Youssef Safri (back from injury) and Dickson Etuhu who are more than man enough to boss the centre of the park when in the mood. Given the opportunity, Robert Eagle and Ryan Jarvis on their respective flanks would provide the pace to trouble the Colchester back-line and the service for Dublin and Thorne.
Regardless, City need a result.
29 October 2006
Celtic v Benfica
Match report (UEFA Champions League coverage for Eurosport - 17 October 2006).
For my minute by minute coverage of this game please click here.
Celtic batter Benfica 3-0
Three second half goals sunk Benfica 3-0 to send Celtic second in Group F behind Manchester United. Always on top, Celtic dominated the game and were worthy winners. Benfica hit the bar early in the second half but Celtic replied with goals from Kenny Miller (2) and Stephen Pearson.
The last time Celtic met Benfica was in 1969. Portugese legend Eusebio was playing and Celtic won by the toss of a coin in one of the pub quiz results of European football.
Roll on 2006 and they came out blazing, intent on staking their claim for the second place spot in UEFA Champions League Group F behind Manchester United.
Shaun Maloney nearly stole the headlines in the third minute with a sensational scissor-kick volley from 12 yards that brought a fine reflex save from the Benfica goalkeeper, Quim.
Benfica had opted for a three-man attack led by Nuno Gomes but it was Celtic who set the pace and built on Maloney's early effort with several half chances for Scotland striker Kenny Miller.
Alongside Neil Lennon, 19-year-old Evander Sno bossed the central midfield but Celtic failed to break the deadlock in the first 45 minutes. Celtic manager Gordon Strachan had handed Sno his Champions League debut, replacing the injured Thomas Gravesen.
Striker Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink was another injury victim who failed to recover in time for kick-off. His absence left the door open for Maciej Zurawski to line up next to Miller in attack in what proved a profitable partnership for Celtic.
Fine voice from the Parkhead faithful was not enough to help Celtic convert their chances. Lee Naylor had a low drive blocked in the Benfica penalty box and Miller, despite a battling performance, and fine supply from Naylor and Maloney, could not create a clear-cut chance.
Benfica were not without substance. In the ninth minute Simao Sabrosa nutmegged Gary Caldwell and minutes later laid off intelligently from the left flank into the path of Armando Petit who blazed over from 30 yards.
In the 40th minute Naylor had the fans on their feet with a cross-cum-shot that Quim only narrowly managed to tip over the bar. Greek international Kostas Katsouranis then nearly took the lead for Benfica with a thumping header from a fine cross by Leo Lourenco. At half time the result remained 0-0.
Celtic on Song
Celtic though, like their fans, were on song. Despite a lull around the 20 minute mark, when the visitors seemed to gain some momentum and grow in confidence, Celtic had the better of the first half and built on it in the second.
Miller pounced in the 55th minute to break the deadlock. Maloney broke down the left and cut the ball inside to Shunsuke Nakamura who swung wildly, scuffing his shot. Miller was on hand though to steer the wayward strike in the Benfica net. And thus the rout commenced.
Nuno Assis attempted to break the Celtic crossbar two minutes after Miller's opener but in the 65th minute the ex-Wolves striker extended Celtic's lead by capitalising on an explosive break from Maloney.
Late substitute Pearson scored the third in the 87th minute to put the game beyond doubt. Celtic need only to avoid defeat in Lisbon and Copenhagen to secure qualification for the knock-out stages.
Miller had only one word to describe the result: 'Massive'.
For my minute by minute coverage of this game please click here.
Celtic batter Benfica 3-0
Three second half goals sunk Benfica 3-0 to send Celtic second in Group F behind Manchester United. Always on top, Celtic dominated the game and were worthy winners. Benfica hit the bar early in the second half but Celtic replied with goals from Kenny Miller (2) and Stephen Pearson.
The last time Celtic met Benfica was in 1969. Portugese legend Eusebio was playing and Celtic won by the toss of a coin in one of the pub quiz results of European football.
Roll on 2006 and they came out blazing, intent on staking their claim for the second place spot in UEFA Champions League Group F behind Manchester United.
Shaun Maloney nearly stole the headlines in the third minute with a sensational scissor-kick volley from 12 yards that brought a fine reflex save from the Benfica goalkeeper, Quim.
Benfica had opted for a three-man attack led by Nuno Gomes but it was Celtic who set the pace and built on Maloney's early effort with several half chances for Scotland striker Kenny Miller.
Alongside Neil Lennon, 19-year-old Evander Sno bossed the central midfield but Celtic failed to break the deadlock in the first 45 minutes. Celtic manager Gordon Strachan had handed Sno his Champions League debut, replacing the injured Thomas Gravesen.
Striker Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink was another injury victim who failed to recover in time for kick-off. His absence left the door open for Maciej Zurawski to line up next to Miller in attack in what proved a profitable partnership for Celtic.
Fine voice from the Parkhead faithful was not enough to help Celtic convert their chances. Lee Naylor had a low drive blocked in the Benfica penalty box and Miller, despite a battling performance, and fine supply from Naylor and Maloney, could not create a clear-cut chance.
Benfica were not without substance. In the ninth minute Simao Sabrosa nutmegged Gary Caldwell and minutes later laid off intelligently from the left flank into the path of Armando Petit who blazed over from 30 yards.
In the 40th minute Naylor had the fans on their feet with a cross-cum-shot that Quim only narrowly managed to tip over the bar. Greek international Kostas Katsouranis then nearly took the lead for Benfica with a thumping header from a fine cross by Leo Lourenco. At half time the result remained 0-0.
Celtic on Song
Celtic though, like their fans, were on song. Despite a lull around the 20 minute mark, when the visitors seemed to gain some momentum and grow in confidence, Celtic had the better of the first half and built on it in the second.
Miller pounced in the 55th minute to break the deadlock. Maloney broke down the left and cut the ball inside to Shunsuke Nakamura who swung wildly, scuffing his shot. Miller was on hand though to steer the wayward strike in the Benfica net. And thus the rout commenced.
Nuno Assis attempted to break the Celtic crossbar two minutes after Miller's opener but in the 65th minute the ex-Wolves striker extended Celtic's lead by capitalising on an explosive break from Maloney.
Late substitute Pearson scored the third in the 87th minute to put the game beyond doubt. Celtic need only to avoid defeat in Lisbon and Copenhagen to secure qualification for the knock-out stages.
Miller had only one word to describe the result: 'Massive'.
Middlesbrough v Notts County
Match report (Carling Cup 2nd round coverage for Eurosport - 21 September 2006).
Notts County defeat 'Boro
A goal from Tcham N'Toya-Zoa fired Notts County to the League Cup third round, much to Middlesbrough boss Gareth Southgate's annoyance. The Teessiders couldn't score past County's Saul Deeney, despite starting with Mark Viduka and other first-teamers.
"It is very disappointing. It is a competition I wanted to be in, but we are out of it," said Southgate after the match. "That is cup football and it is Notts County's night."
N'Toya-Zoa scored the decisive goal at The Riverside to bring an abrupt end to Southgate's first managerial foray into the competition he won in 2003 as Boro captain.
The 22-year-old''s 26th minute strike was his first goal for Notts County, who currently lie sixth in their division. Many home fans seemed to have anticipated the result, as the attendance was a measly 11,148.
Middlesbrough tried in vain to find an equaliser with captain Mark Viduka, new signing Robert Huth and fellow defender Stuart Parnaby all close to scoring, but it was Notts County's night.
Dismissive supporters may write off the defeat by describing the competition as a "Worthless" cup. The club's victorious campaign in 2003, however, was the source of the club's first-ever trophy and the competition is generally revered with greater fondness in parts of the North-East than elsewhere in the country.
Southgate fielded a strong side with Australian World Cup star Viduka, former Spain international Gaizka Mendieta and £8 million purchase Massimo Maccarone all in the starting line-up. There were notable absences though in the form of Real Madrid loanee Jonathan Woodgate, Nigeria striker Aiyegbeni Yakubu and England winger Stewart Downing.
Boos greeted the home side after N'Toya, who plays for the Democratic Republic of Congo, opened his account for County. Middlesborough failed to find an immediate response and, despite testing the County keeper on several occasions late on, including the unlikely sight of the hulking Viduka attempting an overhead kick, paid the price to the disdain of the Riverside faithful.
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